Come Jan 27
2012, I might be celebrating my 21st anniversary of my usual morning
walks. It all started in 1991 and till I discussed this with a young friend of
mine who is a lecturer in a local college I did not realise that it is really
quite a long period of time. Twenty one years of walking in the morning without
any prolonged break! He could not believe it!
As a matter
of fact, till he expressed it, I too did not feel that it is something I should
be crowing about. After all twenty odd years of life for a person who is
blissfully on the other side of sixty is only one third of his whole life span;
when at the same time for a young man like my friend who might be on his early
thirties or late twenties it is more than two third of his whole life. No
wonder he was astounded by my not so great an achievement.
O Henry was
my favourite author during my college days and when I read his thrilling short
story “After twenty years” I too felt that twenty years (two decades) should be
really a long period of time. Definitely it was, for a college going teenager
like me at that time. When my friend exclaimed about my not that spectacular
feat; suddenly I was on a time-machine travelling back to that period of time
when all this started.
Hitting
psychological forty has a peculiar feeling. In simple terms it is known as
‘mid-life crisis’.
Turning 40 is one of the key psychological milestones of a person’s life. It is
the time of evaluation; about whom they are and where they want to be going.
For me those were the days when nights were full of nightmares.
You have growing up children; you have a job which is not offering any promise
as far as the future was concerned. You have ideas and aspirations but you are
afraid to make any bold decision because you don’t know how. Responsibilities
are bogging you down. The day time worries turn out to be the night time
nightmares.
Holidays turns out to be a bane rather than a boon as they
provide opportunities for you to brood. Most of the time I felt very silly of
me to think in these lines and because of this - this feeling of silliness- I
was afraid to share my fears even with my wife.
I wonder; may be such were the occasions when people opt for a
counselling couch. In fact I was really in a psychological bind and longed for a
shrink to help me. Some where I read that aerobic exercises will help. I was
not sure and did not know should I really give it a try.
In northern India winter adds on to your negative moods. During
that period day breaks very late and night falls quite early providing a very
small window of daytime; and this add to your negativity. I read somewhere
recently that a study has revealed that lack of sunshine adds to your low moods.
Though I was not a teetotaller, alcohol
never was an attraction.
27th Jan 1991 was a Sunday and it was rather a gloomy
and cold day; a day after another holiday-26th January-when you are
imprisoned at home because all roads in Delhi on that day leads to Rajpath; and
if you are someone who is opting not to take that, gets virtually tied up in
your house without any thing particular to do, as every shop every establishment
everything will be closed celebrating the great day.
By evening I was on my foulest mood I ever been and did not know
how to come out of it. In a spur of a moment I decided. Putting on my loafers I
got out. The Roads were rather deserted during that time. The brisk walk took
me to the large Agricultural University Campus which was close-by and I went on
walking in the campus roads briskly for nearly an hour. When reached home socked
with sweat I was totally in a different mood.
Have you seen butter melting
away when kept on a warm surface? My mental condition was just like that. I can
feel my worries melting away exactly like that. I had a nice night sleep. Next
day morning I was urged by my previous day’s experience to take to the road for
another brisk walk.
Since then I have never looked back. Twenty one years of morning
walks. Is it time for me to hang my boots?
No way.
In all my life i hated waking up early in the morning. for me these gray hours were to be spend under the comfort of a very thick blanket.
ReplyDeletei never was amused by the thought of walking in the morning for "nothing".
And now as i was compelled to get up and walk in the morning just for living a life, i hated mornings more and more. at times i wished it would never come.
But as i read you, it occurred to me that i have a better 'me' in my depths within, who badly required this cool breeze of 'welcome to life mornings'.Thank you sir, for this.