Hen-Pecked

There are two kinds of husbands in this world, it is said; "One those who are hen-pecked and the other those who pretend that they are not".  Even after undergoing about thirty nine eventful years of matrimonial bliss I am still not sure about that truism.

Someone advised me when I was about to take the plunge.

Son, he said,

 Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

On the hindsight I can say that to a great extend he may be right. It depends on what you want. Take my advice; play safe.

They always say that don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without. Or in other words marry someone who loves you and not the other way round. But this aphorism also comes with a caveat and that is; whatever you do, you'll still regret it later.

 Such fatalism is inbuilt in all such advises.

Recently I came across a funny story. It goes as follows.

A funeral procession was on and a lone man with his dog was following the coffin.  Behind him after a gap there was a long queue of men in an orderly fashion following them.

The man with the dog had lost his wife and it was her coffin he was following.

A passer-by went up to the man to offer his condolences.

He politely asked, “What happened; how did she die?”

 “The dog bit her”; he replied stoically. 

 “Oh I am terribly sorry”, the passerby responded

 “And err... by the way can I loan your dog?” he asked hesitantly.

The husband looked up and said pointing the people following them

“Join the queue”

When cracked in a stag party (no one who desire peace at home will dare to crack this at a regular party) it was highly appreciated. A majority could empathize with the grieving husband and those hapless ones who formed the queue behind him because someone told me the following tale to substantiate mine.

 Narrated in first person it is as follows.  

"When our lawn mower broke down and wouldn't run, my wife kept on suggesting that I should get it fixed...But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first;  the shed, the car, making beer etc, always something more important to me.

 Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated among the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a moment and then went inside and came out again and handed her a toothbrush.

I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp".

Poor chap, my sympathies. But then he asked for it.

 For I know how much some wives suffer. They even pray to God,

"Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him;   and Patience for his moods;

I do not pray for Strength;

Because Lord, if I do, I'll beat him to death."

As a matter of fact wives are rather an enigma. Look at this incident.
He was attending a party and had one too many and staggered home at the wee hours. As soon as he got in he threw up making a mess of his dress and the floor and the carpet; before finally passing out.
 Next day morning to his astonishment he found himself in his bed neatly tucked in wearing a new pair of pajamas and the whole house tidied up. He went down tentatively to the dining hall.
 No trace of yesterday’s commotion at all. Moreover, waiting for him on the dining table was his favorite breakfast and a nice note from his wife before she left for work.
 He was really surprised for he expected hell after all that he did yesterday
He saw his teenage son in his room and asked him about yesterday as he did not remember anything after he threw-up.
“Oh yesterday you were really a heap of mess dad”. His son explained disgustingly.
“Mom was furious for spoiling her newly polished floor and the new carpet.
It was funny as well, for in your delirium you were pleading mom, ‘oh please don’t I am married ‘while she was trying to remove your trousers”!


You might have spent a lifetime of togetherness; still you need not be wiser.